Hello from the other side...
Hello from the other side of motherhood…
The cat is out of the bag so to speak.
If you didn’t know (everyone knows amanda, god) I had a child.
Eight long months of pregnancy, 9 hours of “labor”, 20 minutes of pushing and 4 days in the NICU - I am saying hello from the other side…
Queue the adele meme
We are now 18 weeks (y’all i started writing this 10 weeks postpartum LOL welcome to motherhood) postpartum, and I have decided that women are LIARS. Just kidding, but ya’ll that are moms are fact hiding, sneaky sons of…
Instagram, Facebook, Social Media in GENERAL make motherhood look like rainbows, sunshine, matching outfits and glorious reality show bingeing (okay the last one is true). I’m back from the depths of shitty diapers to tell you there are things that your mom friends are HIDING from you, because if you knew what we know - ohhh boy.
Lets get down to it, here is what I have learned in my short 18 weeks - with a lifetime to go.
Your baby wears diapers, and so do you.
And let me just tell you, they are damn comfortable okay.
When you picture Princess Kate, or Duchess Meghan standing on that glorious hospital stair case essentially lion kinging their new baby to the world - your like, oh my gosh they look so great the baby is so cute I am so happy for them. Then re-watch that moment after having child and your like GIRL I KNOW YOU GOT ROYAL DIAPERS ON UNDER THERE DON’T TRY AND HIDE IT. Also, who is your hair and makeup lady because I look like I got hit with a dumptruck carrying those diapers.
You will cry, on the daily.
Your husband thought the pregnancy hormones were bad, welcome to the thunderdome of emotions.
my husband asked what i wanted for dinner, i cried. someone asked me how i was doing, i cried. my dog barked at me, i cried.
you go from just trying to keep yourself alive (which is hard okay) to literally having this new human that you created move in with you full time, and now you have to keep them and yourself alive at the same time. it seems easy, and it does eventually get easier, but those first few weeks are a roller coaster of emotions…or as will ferrell in anchorman would say, stuck in a glass case of emotion.
Remember how easy it was to go to the bathroom… that is now one of your biggest fears.
The fear is real.
Don’t judge me, and new mom don’t pretend like you didn’t have it too. I see you.
i didn’t hear about this until i was around 30 ish weeks pregnant, and it didn’t make sense then. about 1 day after i gave birth, oooooo girl that now made a lot of sense - it still follows me to this day. you literally pushed a child out, or had a c-section and they cut through your muscles (ouch btw) the southern regions no matter what are running scared.
Personal Hygiene? What is Hygiene?
If I get to brush my teeth in the morning…damn that is a gold star day. If I remember to put on deodorant on top of that, i must be having to go somewhere because that’s just outrageous.
those first few weeks are a blur. did i eat? did i shower? have i peed in weeks? these are all questions i still have because i seriously don’t remember. things like brushing your hair, your teeth, or putting on makeup feel like such a trivial thing of the past - who has time for such things!?
Moms invented iced coffee
Give the credit, where the credit is due.
Did you ever wonder growing up why you always found your mothers coffee sitting in the microwave cold? yeah that’s because it takes all day to drink that one cup of coffee - and we end up just drinking it cold 7 hours later. Some smart af mom just threw ice in hers because she was over the battle and boom iced coffee was born.
-AG
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