Two under Two...
Part 1: written april 2020
I would be absolutely be lying if I told you that I am not nervous.
The club I never thought I would join, the moms I swore were bonkers for having 2 under 2, the judgment. And, well, here I am joining the crazy club, signing my name on the dotted line, and self-initiating.
Now that all of those thoughts have worn off, and I sit here 4 months pregnant with an almost 14-month-old…I could not be more excited! My son is at an age where we are learning to speak, walk, eat regular human food, we’re at a really good place. While most people would want to hold onto that a little bit longer, how fun is it going to be having two little monsters running around in a year and a half from now. Built-in buddies is how I am thinking about it, also more work upfront and less so down the road, right?
I grew up with two siblings, my sister and I are 7 years apart and my brother and I are 3 years apart. I was always the younger one, close enough to semi-understand their high school and junior high drama but never close enough to be involved. Sometimes, like in high school, it was nice to have the school to myself. But, I did live with “Another Harris?! How many of you are there? Are you the last one?”
Our relationships were close, but not close like some of my friends where their sibling was their BFF, and I always envied that.
PART 2: written May/July 2021
FAST FORWARD A YEAR
ahh… the pre two under two bliss. The hopes, the dreams.
PEOPLE, IT’S FREAKING HARD.
Check on your friends with children during this pandemic people.
My biggest worry about this was, would Sawyer still feel loved when Sloane came along. He was going from my undivided attention to me trying to balance my attention between him and a newborn baby. Also adding a person into his domain when he has been the main ruler of the house since day one.
I can tell you first hand, every single day is going to be different.
Someday’s Sawyer wants to hold Sloane, calls her baby, and generally just leaves her alone while he does his own thing. Then, there are days when he’s chucking toys at her and she’s not allowed to touch me, him, or look at anything in the house without him melting down.
I remind myself multiple times a day, that this transition is HARD for him, especially at such a young age when toddlers have big complex emotions that they don’t understand. Taking it day by day and celebrating the good days is how you survive this period of time, and each day it gets a little bit easier to understand and pivot when needed.
My advice for anyone who is embarking on the two, under two journey is this…
Let your expectations go.
You will not keep the house spotless, or even clean for that matter. You will feed your toddler whatever they find in the pantry to eat because let me tell you they will refuse 99% of the food you are going to make them anyways. Someday’s you might not see outdoors, and that’s okay.
It does get easier.
I literally HATE hearing that advice, and I hate myself for giving it, but, we all figure it out for ourselves eventually. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard AF, but some days are easier than others and make you feel like you finally got this. Other days, you will cry and think you have absolutely nothing figured out, but it’s easier to bounce back from these days. Other days, you will pour yourself a glass of wine at 4pm, walk out the front door and sit in silence because you just abandoned all hope. Your neighbors will wonder what is happening in your house for you to be drinking outside at 4pm on a Tuesday…but most of the time they will have kids as well and say, “rough day?” and you will nod and life will go on.
You are not a bad mom for giving screen time.
I wrestle with this guilt on a daily basis, especially in winter when Sloane was born and the recent 100-degree heatwave Washington just had. We have watched Moana, Luca & every other Disney movie and show 100+ times. I’m no expert but this is such a short blip of time in their lives, and Sawyer plays while he watches TV so yes I do allow more screen time than average so that I can feed Sloane, put her down for a nap, drink coffee, use the bathroom, eat an actual breakfast or lunch, etc. Do whatever you have to do mama, no judgment here.
Find time for yourself.
This is the biggest thing I struggle with. Sloane refuses to take a bottle, and just started solids but they totally mess with her gut. So, me leaving the house or doing anything for an extended period of time is very difficult, and stressful for everyone involved. But, I have found walking in the mornings before anyone is up, has made me a better person. It is time for me to either be alone with my thoughts, chat with other moms I walk with, or listen to music and escape for an hour. Not only healthy for me physically but also mentally. So find what works best for you and make it a routine- prioritize yourself for once.
Find community.
This one is hard. I’m also still working on this because I suck (and have always sucked) at making friends.
Find a friend, a stranger, a neighbor just someone you can talk to, share with, and they can talk and share with you as well in experiences. Being a mom is hard, and we need people to relate to our struggles so we feel heard and seen. I can tell you from experience it’s a different world once babies get involved, I’ve been on both sides. We drift from friends who either do or do not have children because it’s harder to relate at that point in our lives. BUT all good relationships survive this phase, it just takes time. We sometimes need to create new relationships with people who are going through something similar.
If you are reading this because you are about to, are thinking, or are currently going through the two under two-phase of life, PLEASE reach out to me! Send me an email, leave a comment or follow me on the gram. I promise to be a part of your community in a positive way.
Good luck out there.
